Tuesday, September 29, 2009

"I MISS YOU PAPA"- LETTER OF A DAUGHTER.

Dear Papa

Today is your thirteenth Death Anniversary.I don't know where are you-amongst the stars or a wave of wind blowing over the tides-sharing their might and power or perhaps somewhere very-very close to me...............wherever you are, I want you to stay with the same aura of mental strength which you had in abundance..............

I was in Moradabad at that time when I was made to face the cold and bitter truth that you had left us forever.That morning when I called up, ma was going to offer 'jal 'to tulsi ma, hence she asked you to talk to me.I still remember you told me,you had kept four frocks for Ayushree,my daughter,the name given to her by you and a few story books for my son Apurva.You did so as you were looking forward to meet me in near future although you knew my visits were unsure and uncertain........I didn't know the same evening I would be made aware of your absence...........Why Papa-why?Why did you turn your eyes from me............couldn't you have waited a little longer.....I would have been there to meet you.......But if I am not mistaken,you did come to meet me.About,after three days of your departure,I saw myself sitting with you at the dining table and having dinner.Totally baffled and confused,I asked."People say you are dead,then how have you got this body of yours again-how are you here?"As usual,with your carefree attitude,you replied,"You take your dinner and stop bothering.""Har fikr ko dhuye mein udata chala gaya" I was reminded of these lines.That whole night I couldn't sleep........People simply looked at me with disbelief,when in the morning I related to them the last night's incident, Nisha di, my eldest sister hugged me and said,"Bauji came to meet you,can't you understand........."Tears flooded my eyes and rolled off silently as they had done before.

Papa,I feel so lonely and distraught without you-this I realized after I lost you.You loved your daughters very much and had a golden heart for them. My sisters were always into a long and never ending conversation with you-always hanging around you....making you wear reading glasses- and doing next to nothing......especially Ila di, her talks would go on forever....and Punam di, always ordering things......but I was the youngest and the quietest one.I looked up at you with awe and reverence.You were such a disciplinarian that your friends called you,"Colonel" What a bold officer were you!You never made bureaucracy a victim of Politics and Politicians!

You remember,Papa, you used to call me "Kuppi" instead of Piku, my nickname but then too, I maintained a certain distance from you although whenever I wanted anything I just reached out to you and it was done....I remember once I was watching a movie in the school auditorium of Loreto,Ranchi and electricity went off...Oh My God-I still remember, the Principal ,Sister Margaret Mary asked me to make a call to you from her office and see if the electricity could be restored.I made the call and somehow managed to convey the message and lo within five minutes the movie was running in the hall......when I came home, ma told me the load shedding was from Patraratu Thermal Power Station!!!!I was dumbstruck...the act however not fair showed how much you loved me-and everything is fair in love and war..... this was the thought present there or your boldness,till now I'm not able to make it out.......

I remember once you scolded me slightly on some trivial matter which had no fault of mine and I stopped talking to you-whenever I came face to face with you, I shied away.......I was the sensitive type and you understood.To make up with me you had a special cake flown down from Flury's Kolkatta, for my thirteenth b'day along with canvasses,oil paints and brushes as you knew painting was my weakness and I was very good at it.I also remember your face glow with pride whenever I won prizes in any event especially when I used to win awards of the best speaker in debates,elocution and recitations from the 'RamKrishna PramHansa Society'. Despite your busy schedule,you never missed the Award Ceremony and attended it along with Ma.On stage while receiving the prize my eyes searched you,however being the quiet type, I hid this fact from you!

Today I went to Girls' Orphanage to do something in your name but it was really nothing compared to your generosity which you showered.............

But still, I do have certain grudges,complaints .I'll try and tell you,(which I think by now you must be knowing) when we will meet one day-we will meet Papa-won't we?

There are so many tranquil,soothing,rejuvenating fond memories(although I was little afraid of you too......) ,all of which can not be penned down-but one thing was common between us-we both loved reading and we both loved flowers......so for my marriage, my favourite flower Rajnigandha and jewelry made of these were once again especially flown down to Patna from Kolkatta but we do not know which way life flies-isn't it?.I wish only you and I had known it then Papa......................

Earlier I wrote, I have some grudges but actually I think I don't really have any ,as we all are puppets in the hands of time......I remember whenever I languished in pain, you could sense and read my pain. You would,then stand in front of me to say,"A Kshatrani and a Colonel's daughter,shedding tears-doesn't suit".... "SAMAY BADA BALWAN HOTA HAI" ,have faith in yourself,everything will be alright...............

I think I have babbled too much-but 'I love you Papa'-I think I could never say this to you, when you were alive but now I want to tell, YOU ARE THE BEST PAPA OF THIS WORLD!

Waiting to see and touch you someday.......

Your youngest and loving daughter
Kuppi.
READ:http://rrashmi211.blogspot.com/2010/10/jimpujhonnyjangu-missing-youstill-love.html

16 comments:

shalini said...

preserve your feelings and emotions dear,they are precious-may every daughter be like you.

shreya said...

awesome one....

VIVEK said...

now i can understand the source of values inherited by you,--very sincere and genuine tribute...

RASHMI SINGH said...

Thanx everyone for understanding my emotions,which is indeed very-very personal.

Himanshu said...

Great write up indeed....very touching and personal indeed. Made my eyes moist.

ऋतु सिंह said...

I have never shred tears so badly after reading anything.Thanks for this post.

rashmi singh said...

oh my !thanx Himanshu nd ritu-u both once again made my memories fresh and tears ran out of my eyes unrestrained!.Parents r lovable to all but we realise their worth when they are not with us.i'v lost both of them and sumtimes i feel so lonely.......but my father had said "never quit" and here i am moving with life........

Tandarin Nike said...

Superb post. Am not much of an emotional type but was definitely touched by your feelings towards your father. I am sure he too always found you very special.

Abhi said...

:)

rashmi singh said...

Thanks Tandarin-You know life is this way..i think we should show our love to people while they are with us or sometimes it becomes too late!

@abhi:) thanks!

bhushan said...

Tanya this side,

It took me back to those days when i was small n to be frank, i want to be someone like him.

Luv u n i share the same feelings

rashmi singh said...

i know Tanu,we all want to become like him-bold,possessing profound knowledge of everything,not only about his work,a great leader-he had inherited more or less from my grandparents,especially frm "dadi" Padmavati Devi wife of RaiBahadur Panchanansharan Singh(though Baba,a collector was always bowed inforont of dadi" n v 2 were too afraid but no doubt she was a lady of grit with an aura of "royality" And yes Tanu u 2 hv achieved a lot by being at such a high position-God Bless!

sara-myspace said...

This is very touching Rashmi. My throat is paining badly after reading as i am avoiding hard not to cry. Each word is from your heart and i felt :).

www.tharcitybarmer.webs.com said...

The real & by heart touching tribute to a father by his daughter.....
Dost, I found my eyes wet after reading of this post....
Sapna Ji,,, U r a great beti of a father in the world.
God give peace to soul of ur loving papa & blessing to u & yours familly!!!!

rashmi singh said...

Came back again to this post- this post gives me strength and i feel connectd to my my source of strength in my life. Thanks all for empathizing. Thanks Tandarin, Sara n Citybarmer.

Kumar Rajnish said...

Your sharing of deep emotion made me cry and forced me go down the memory lane where I always thought that my Papa was very strict towards life and goal... but when I grow li'l older then I am feeling that his true words were nothing but life's fact which strengthen me to be a good human being apart from what society marks you in professional term. Thanks once again for sharing your emotions..

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