Why Life Why..UNFORGETTABLE SCARS!

WHY LIFE WHY?..... AN ENTRY FROM MY PERSONAL DIARY!
Nineteenth December,2010

 

As I reach out to catch you,why do you always deceive me life.?..Not once but so many a times! I don't even have time to complain-actually you don't  give me time..you have tied me down to such responsibilities that,I can't even weep at my miseries and pain! My mom passed away but you did not allow me to attend her funeral as you thought ,I was lucky enough to see her pale, tranquilized dead body,out of the chains of painful bondage! You thought,this was a big gift to me as you  had once made me to attend my father's funeral but  had stopped me from having the last look as my train got delayed by hours and hours...... You thought I was lucky enough to fly down to see my mom's cold ,serene lifeless body, longing my last looks... So attending the funeral was useless...thankfully the Plane was not delayed and I was lucky enough to afford the ticket(but  ironically with a return ticket of the same day)!!

So many times affection too beckoned me but just to tantalize me..no sooner did I think it to be a drop of holy water, it turned out to be putrid deadly droplets............

Can you explain me life,why do you always play games with me?Don't I too deserve a pearl from the million shiny beads in your ocean of happiness!

Now when I have feathers to fly, I don't have a Destination!  Now when I have cut the chains, I don't have the shoulders, where I can run rest my throbbing head! Can't you for a while turn the clock back and give my Destination along with my Feathers! I wish you could do so but I know you can't!GO LIFE GO-I FORGIVE YOU! I AM MORE MAGNANIMOUS THAN YOU! BE HAPPY TO BE A MISER AND STINGY! 

Image Source:  http://photos.ibibo.com/photo/3911679/manns-lost-love-world


 GO! BUT THOUGH I MIGHT FORGIVE YOUR GIFTED WOUNDS I WILL NEVER FORGET THE SCARS!
TO FEEL THE TRUTH OF THIS DIARY ENTRY,MUST READ:
 http://rrashmi211.blogspot.com/2009/08/oceans-of-loneliness-standing-near.html
 

READ ANOTHER DIARY ENTRIES:

http://rrashmi211.blogspot.com/2010/08/scribbled-feelings-diary-entry.html 

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Diary_of_Anne_Frank 

 rashmi.
Listen to the song below which has worked as a "HEALING TOUCH" for me!

s

Fragrance Fuming.......

Roses Intoxicating Fiercely
Wildly Wooing
Passion Simulating Sensually

Fragrance Fuming.........

Whispers Whining Softly
Loving Lushly 
Dreams Dancing Ardently

Fragrance Fuming......

rashmi. 
Visit:
http://living.oneindia.in/expressions/fragrance-love.html 

http://www.artbabyart.com/books/book5.htm

I Found You Very Close!

I  Found You Very Close

Encompassing, Nourishing,Nuzzling
Embracing Humble Heart

Strengthening Senses....


 I  Found You Very Close
Caressing  Sleeping Soul
Cradling Nervous Nerves

Strengthening Senses.....


Yes, LIFE, I  Found You Very Close
Inking Inquisitive Eye
Outstretching Longing Arms

Strengthening Senses...

FOR HEALING TOUCH VISIT:
http://www.beautiful-women-of-god.com/Beautiful-woman-of-God-confession.htm

FEW LINES FROM THE ABOVE LINK

I surrender all disappointments, fears, and misunderstandings to the Lord. Forgetting those things that are behind and laying aside every sin and weight that easily entangles me, I press on to the high prize of being a woman of God

rashmi.

Sepulchering The Past....

Moving Ahead In Life
Forgetting And Forgiving
The Past Which
Never Was Mine...


Rummaging Broken Memories
Burying And Mummifying
The Past Which
Never Was Mine....

Embalming, Enshrining Moments
Breathing And Sepulchering
The Past Which
Never Was Mine.....

http://hubpages.com/hub/Moving-Forward-A-poem


rashmi.

JANG BAHADUR THAPA-MISSING YOU..STILL LOVE YOU SO MUCH!

A TRIBUTE TO MY DOG-MY LIFE

"Jangu"..."Jangu"..."Where are you?","Come Here...Sit..I say sit...don't move...C'mon sit here..right here!" A little girl in a frilled frock ordering a giant Alsatian Dog seemed happy with her life and amazingly the giant too was lovingly following all the orders behaving like a mouse! love dripped from the giant's eyes as he panted and played with girl!

Getting ready for school, the girl was constantly ordering GIANT JANGU  OR RATHER JANG BAHADUR THAPA as her brother had named him..."Jangu, bringgg my shoes,I am getting late for school and Jangu would come running and panting to the girl with the shoes hung by their laces,securely in his teeth.After getting ready for her school,the girl would carry her schoolbag and happily join her bunch of buddies, waiting for  her to walk along the school ,forgetting totally about the giant but the giant always had plans to follow her up to the school.A chaos among her mates would suddenly, after a while make her realize that Mr.Jangu was following-she  then ,angrily would shout at the top of her voice.."JANGUUU, MOVE,GO AWAY!!" And Jangu would pretend , not  to be following her-he would start looking some other side feigning as if he was out for some other errand! BUT HIS LOVE FOR THE LITTLE GIRL COULD BE SEEN IN HIS ANIMAL EYES!

After school forgetting all the "morning showdown", the girl would barge into her house shouting,"JANGU..JANGU..AND JANGU ALWAYS READY TO PLAY WITH HER START RUNNING ALL ACROSS THE BIG  HOUSE! Without Jangu her life was unimaginable,he would wag his tail non stoppingly unless she walked towards the biscuit cans!! Then the biscuit game would commence-she raising the biscuits higher and higher-he balancing on his hind legs for hours to get his prize.


She remembered,he always sat near her study table,while she would do her homework,pretending to sleep.BUT his ever active ears sticking out and pupils under covered lids reacting at the slightest sound!

At times when she would be sick or feeling low,Jangu would sit quietly near her,trying to bridge the gap of humans and animals,understanding spread across his canine face.The same understanding was shown by him on the occasion of her marriage."janguuu, she had wailed, I am goingggg and she literally wept in his arms".A tear trickled down his eyes .The shehnai, flowers,cook,the continuous huslte bustle in the house assured him that the little princess who had grown into a beautiful girl,was going to leave him,as  her other sisters had the left the house.

Drifting to the past ,reminiscences of college days again captured her mind.She remembered,how Jungu would even in her college days,follow her to college bus and while she would be busy chatting,laughing with her friends,he very stealthily would put half the giant  body of his,  inside the rickety bus ,searching and looking for her, to create a havoc and drive all the "dadas" supporting typical "Bihari   Neta  Moustache",out of their wits.The poor conductor, in a state of total amazement ,trembling unceasingly would shout,"Kiska kutta hai bhai"..."isse bahar karo...arrey bhai bus kaise chalegi!"And Janju being the clever animal would get down immediately,as his eyes met hers, back home,running ,showing his "track skills"!!!That day when she came back home from college,he was no where to be found as he knew,his punishment was definite.

After a while when he was assured the incident was forgotten by her,he  would come very innocently and lick her feet ,put his front legs in her laps,while she was hanging on phone,as he would sense that she was talking to someone dear...and instead of being punished he would be hugged! Jangu really had his ways with her!!!! 

BUT SHE LOST HIM.YES SHE LOST HIM.After her marriage,lots of cobwebs ,in the form of responsibilities had settled around her, and her dearest,lovable childhood friend was forgotten.Few months after when her husband left to join his training of his services,she visited her parents.The entire family encircled her except Jangu."Ma where is Jangu?".she questioned.Her Ma with a little hesitation replied that he had gone for vaccination."Moreover,he has become old and not keeping fit these days",she added."Oh!",she exclaimed but other things caught her attention and she started fooling around with her nephews,who were then in school.

THE PHONE CALL OF HER MA THE NEXT DAY SHATTERED HER COMPLETELY.She said,"Actually your arrival was sudden and unplanned","Jangu's dead body was lying in his room when you were here"."He had been poisoned by someone"."We did not want to disturb you as you were so close to him .After such a long time you had come to us for a few hours and we did not want to ruin your happiness",she furthered stated falteringly.

"Oh selfish she had been," how could she forget Jangu,who was not only her friend but also a mentor of her personality, teaching her loving ,caring, sharing, compassion, patience, forgiveness...and so more but  nothing could be done then...she let it pass,however the vacuum left in her life by Jangu could never be patched.......she often remembered him in her silence and with every  passing day, his memories became a shady grove for her,where she could rest peacefully from the "tortures of this selfish world"....Definitely Keats was right.."A thing of beauty is a joy forever..its loveliness increases..it never passes into nothingness" MISS YOU JANGU..........LOVE YOU.......
READ A RECENT NEWS OF CANINE LOVE AND CARE IN FAIRFAX,VIRGINIA
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2010/12/30/AR2010123004219.html

rashmi.

If I had All The Powers...

If I Had All The Powers

Dancing always
to your tune
i took life
the way you gifted

Learning always
steps,not mine
i took life
the way you gifted

Braving always
missing not a beat
i took life
the way you gifted

But now staggering steps falter
Beats are out of tune
Panting breath descending
The once musical dune

Hold me in your arms
Refuging the tortured soul
If i had all the powers
Then then why would i come to you?

rashmi

MARRING MAIMED MEMORIES

Marring Maimed Memories......

Stinking Silence Stinging
Digging muffled murmurs
Marring Maimed Memories.......


Bestial Barbarous Breathing 
Gauging Murderous Moments

Marring Maimed Memories.......

 Torturous Thoughts Tormenting
Crucifying Sweating Seconds 
Marring Maimed Memories......

rashmi.

Life-A Second Chance!

SECOND CHANCE

It knocked at my door
Silently
I tiptoed to it

Hushingly

I smiled at it
Knowingly

It looked once again at me
Lovingly

It stretched its arms
Longingly
I gave it a second chance
Understandingly!

rashmi.

Disillusioned Ruthlessly.....

DISILLUSIONED RUTHLESSLY

This post is dedicated to those who are being continuously cheated on the paths of life-their plain,beautiful souls though tattered look forward to a beautiful life beckoning-tempting them once again to give it a second,maybe third or fourth chance! Do you agree?Should they?

Disillusioned Ruthlessly

Tattered Thoughts

Dripping Dreams
Beckoning Life.........

Disillusioned  Ruthlessly
Battered Body 
Stitching Senses 

Beckoning Life.......

Disillusioned Ruthlessly
Wasted Vision
Fastening Faith

Beckoning Life...............


rashmi.

SCRIBBLED FEELINGS-A DIARY ENTRY by Priya.

August 10,2010
11:05p.m

.

Scribbled Feelings

 Whenever I read a line written by P.B.Shelly "I walk upon the thorns of life I bleed",I connect it to myself,thinking when I would be able to segregate myself from the thorns and sleep on a bed which may be not of flowers but least made of coir.......

I have tried badly, to  take out the thorns and throw them away from my life forever but somehow they seem to sprout on my life and body again ,piercing and cutting it to pieces, giving lacerating pain which knows no bound-a pain which can only be felt by a person who suffers it.........

I know,there is a story in everyone's life but leading a  blind life,doomed in catacombs,with not even a ray of hope makes my heart numb because I can see the thorns spreading its fangs towards my daughter.........
http://rrashmi211.blogspot.com/2009/08/oceans-of-loneliness-standing-near.html 

My very small daughter who loves me and can not see tears in  my eyes,is now battling the fangs and fighting the venomous spikes of these for my and her survival.........

God give her courage and strength to overcome the vicious ways of life and be a winner as Shelly has again quoted,"If winter comes can spring be far behind!". 

Priya.

Another Diary Entry
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Diary_of_Anne_Frank 

Love Is Magical-Feel It!

Remembrance

It brings memories
intoxicating nights....
perfumed with rajnigandha
and jasmine  blossoming in our hearts....
rashmi.

In The Oblivion.......

Rage Ravenous Riding
Wishes Wistful Withering
Silent Soul Sinking

Surreptitiously In The Oblivion......

Heavens Hallucinating Heaving
Waves Wonderous Weeping
Fuming Feelings Fading

Surreptitiously In The Oblivion........

 Body Blemished Blistering
Maimed Mind Merging

Lamed Love Languishing

Surreptitiously In The Oblivion..................

rashmi

My Senses Wander.

My senses wander
Meandering the  lakes
Brimming dreams..........


My senses wander
Loitering the cresses

Overflowing  flowers............

My senses wander
Reaching the  moonshine

Satiating passion.............

Yes my senses do wander
Dreaming the tales

Quenching emotions...... 

rashmi. 

Never ,Nor Ever For You.............

Don't wait for time
For it will wait 
Never ,nor ever
For you...........

Walk alone
For they will walk
Never ,nor ever
With you.......
Don't  weep your wounds
For they will heal
Never ,nor ever
For you........


Sleep on thorns
For bed of roses was
Never ,nor ever

For you............. 

Don't try holding shadows

For they will hold back
Never ,nor ever

For you................... 

rashmi

The Dream Is Mine

 The Dream Is Mine...

The Dream is mine
Let me paint it live....
Give my brushes back
Let the colors breathe........

See the ashen canvas
Weeping its fading fate......
Give my memories back

Let the paleness shine..........

The  dream is mine
Let me dabble the  rainbows.......
Give my  palette back
Let the  hues blush.......

rashmi. 



 

Abondoning Liberty

This post is dedicated to those million women whose talent,personality and
individuality die an unknown and silent death.Tied in family ropes of duties
and social norms,fear of maligning family name,their dreams,hopes, aspirations-
everything is covered under a thick quilt of false "family pride" from where they 
are never able to come out-their crying soul is doomed forever............

 Feet Abraded 

Mind Swirling

Abandoning liberty.......

Heart Corroded
Soul Bleeding
Abandoning Liberty......

Eyes Misted
Thoughts Weeping
Abandoning Liberty ......

Vision Trampled
Dreams Crumbling

Abandoning Liberty....... 

rashmi. 

Things Change

Below is not a poem but only a piece of "feeling"by me 
coming straight from my heart....

Things Change...Yes things do change......
But life moves on...it has to move....
We just sit and watch helpless...
All efforts ushered ,yet useless...
Things change...men change...
People change....We all are helpless..
Helpless....tied and caught in a web....
Being helpless...Yet life moves on..
it has to move....
Puppets we are..nothing else...
dancing to tunes of life...
being helpless....

Things change...men change...people change

Here is the lyrics of " Things Change"by Tim McGraw
They wouldn't let him play the opry
With whiskey on his breath
And it didn't take'em long
To figure out what they missed
He went down that lost highway
Underneath the purple sky
A legend disappeared before his time

Things Change

Now some say it's too country
Some say it's a little rock n roll
But it's just good music you can feel it in your soul
It doesn't really matter
It's always been the same
Life goes on
Things Change

[Bridge:]
Don't you know they change
Oh, things change
As long as this world is turning
Things are gonna change
Gonna keep on changing

Gonna change



rashmi.

A Teacher

This is brief feeling to what an actual teacher ought to be.AND WHAT HE/SHE

SHOULD NOT BE.

These days this prestigious profession has been commercialized.
Here I have tried to show "the unique rapport" which should be
there between a student and his mentor.

Respect and Reverence
dripping
Looking up in awe
She smiled at him

Affection and adoration
showering
looking back at her
He laughed at her

Vibration tingled
Their language mingled
She held his hand

Forwarding Faith to Farthest

Confidence and Conviction
invoking
They walked together slowly

Paving paths of prosperity.....

rashmi.